


the death of bazilton pitch

by cooler_than_a_vintage_cassette



Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Lowercase, M/M, Minor Character Death, POV Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch, Sad Ending, Sad Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch, Suicide, for this, i only write in, im sorry, kind of graphic with ebb but not too bad, sad agatha wellbelove, sad penelope bunce, slight mention of - Freeform, slightly ooc baz but shh im tired, so suffer, writing this made me really sad hh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-07
Updated: 2018-09-07
Packaged: 2019-07-08 00:35:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,098
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15919383
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cooler_than_a_vintage_cassette/pseuds/cooler_than_a_vintage_cassette
Summary: what happens if simon had actually died from defeating the humdrum





	the death of bazilton pitch

“Simon falls forward to the ground, lit only by moonlight through the broken windows.  
He falls, and he doesn’t get up.”

 

BAZ

I can’t think.  
I can’t speak.  
I don’t move, at least I think I don’t, except I’m closer to him than I was a second ago.

No no no no no no no no no this is not happening.  
I refuse to believe this is happening.

Simon.  
He lays there, as still and silent as the Wavering Woods, as cold and lifeless as me.

This can’t be real.  
Simon can’t die, he’s the most powerful magician ever, he said he loved me more than anything so why is he not breathing.

I said once that Simon Snow would die kissing me. I’m not sure if I actually believed it.  
That’s when it hits me, the startling realization that I will never kiss him again. Never watch him sleep, never cuddle with him on my bed, never call him Snow and tease him ever again.

I will never talk to him ever again.   
I will never kiss him ever again.

My body and mind felt sluggish, like I was trying to run as fast as I could through thick syrup, like I was desperately trying to fight to the surface of a lake, except I couldn’t tell which way was up anymore. Like my whole world had been flipped upside down.

I finally broke the surface when I was roughly shoved to the side, the Mage, his mentor, the man he had trusted most, hovering over Simon, shaking and shouting at his unmoving corpse like it would do a damned thing.

I jump up, acting on the whims of one rough, visceral thought in my mind.

The Mage killed my boyfriend.

Snarling, eyes wide with pure fury, I tackle the Mage, pressing the tip of my wand at his throat. His eyes look wild, unfocused and desperate, as if something he had been planning for years just crashed down around him.

I suppose Simon was supposed to be that something. Not anymore.  
Penny doesn’t even have time to stop me before he’s dead, slumping to the floor beside Simon. I kick his body away. He doesn’t deserve to be near Simon, not when it’s his fault the love of my life doesn’t have a pulse.

I ignore Penny’s scream as she runs out of the White Chapel-probably to get help from the teachers. Like they could help anything. Like they ever did.

For one brief second, my attention is pulled away from Simon, and my gaze snags on the body of a woman, only a few yards away, bent and bloody and lifeless. I recognize her instantly as the goat herder Simon was always so fond of, Ebb. I can’t sort out my own thoughts to wonder why she was even in here in the first place (why she was killed), yet a pang of sympathy rocks through my heart. She may have been below my class, but she didn’t deserve to die. I think of her brother Nicodemus for an instant before my thoughts are again returned to him.

Tears threatening to fall, I cradle his head gently, refusing to feel how cold he is, how pale his normally golden skin looks in favor of resting my head on his chest. I’m pretending we’re back at my house, cuddling each other in my bed. Simon claimed he had grown afraid of our guest rooms, but I didn’t mind a chance to lay with him, acting as if we were just two Normals with no life-threatening war constantly looming over our heads.

I make the mistake of picking up my head and gazing into his eyes, desperately searching for any sign of life, any slight twitch. His once vibrant eyes the color of the sky are now pale and empty. I keep waiting for the shine I know deep in my heart will never come back.

I laid my head back down on his chest and let myself cry. I’ve always hated crying, always hated being seen as vulnerable and weak, but who’s around to see?

I don’t remember how long I cried for until Penny and a group of teachers arrived. I heard more so than felt Penny partially collapsing on both me and Simon as if we could hug him back to life. As if we could kiss it better. Nothing will ever get better.

 

 

Simon Snow’s funeral was small. Only a few people were allowed to come; Penny, Agatha, and all of our parents. Penny’s parents are teary-eyed, but they don’t cry. Penny hasn’t stopped crying since we got here. Agatha’s parents weep silently along with their daughter. I remembered Simon used to spend his Christmas holidays with them. Though the thought of Christmas calls on another memory, and I stamp it down before it has time to really come into focus.

As these things usually tend to go, the sky was overcast, a light rain ruining the soil of the cemetery. That being said, no weather would have been able to stop me from sinking to my knees and sobbing, no person would have been able to shame me into remaining stoic and respectful. Fuck it if they thought I was weak. What fucking good did respect do when the only two people I’ve ever truly given my heart to were dead. When the only two people who made me feel like I was loved and needed are underground. At the very least, we’ll look like a proper family once my headstone joins theirs.

If I ever die.

What a stupid thing to think. No immortality could ever keep me from seeing Simon again. Even if I have to off myself to get that chance. The thought of seeing my mother and my boyfriend again makes me cry harder, mind barely registering when a person crouches beside me and cries as well. 

I wonder what Simon would say if he saw me like this. Maybe he is watching me and he feels ashamed of me. No, Simon would never do that. I know him too well. He’d tell me it’s okay to cry, but not to dwell on him for long. To move on.

Well, fuck that. Fuck him and fuck the Mage and fuck magic and fuck me.

I could never move on from him. How could I forget about someone as bright as him, as brilliant and powerful and loving as Simon Snow?

I can’t. And I never will, for as long as I live.

I will always love Simon Snow.

**Author's Note:**

> hhhh this is real bad i know and baz is slightly ooc but i had a hard time trying to keep his personality while also imagining him totally devastated,,,
> 
> im weak and cant wait for the sequel so i guess i write fanfiction regularly now


End file.
